I stopped speaking to my mother and father at 50 and I’m 58 this year. I have the same thoughts. It is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done but it was the only way I would ever heal.
You are awesome DK! You remind us that no one, not even a mom has an absolute right to loving. Love can’t be an object or a noun (all alone), rather it takes right, good, just, true and beautiful actions, just like a verb to make love fulfilled. So in detaching (in your case, from a single mom), you open yourself up to the cosmic flow of what love really is. We’re all here enjoying an opportunity to experience that warm, beautiful flow, being freely offered but never imposed. Welcome to the very loving community that you co-created (with that mysterious cosmic power many call God). ❤️ Happy Mother’s Day
Happy Mother's Day Dr. Sage! 💖💐Thank you so much for this! I really needed this today. You have helped me so much on my journey. I'm not no contact, but low contact with my mother. I celebrate mother's day, because my son is such a blessing to me and I have been able to break the cycle of how I grew up. I am there for him and have been a safe, non-judgemental, open, and kind space for him. It hasn't been easy breaking the cycle. However, I want more and better for the both of us! However, it's hard knowing I don't have the same from my own mother. It feels lonely. Thank you! 💕 You allowed me to feel seen, and heard through you post today!
Proud of you for the work for your son and for yourself. He is so lucky and blessed that you have been able to provide such a safe space for him even when you never had it. sending so much love and gratitude for you too:)
Thank you. I’ve woken to find this in my inbox. I’m in Australia, day after Mother’s Day. I had a lovely day with my adult children, and no contact with my mother. She decided to cut me out of her life when I was having weekly chemo for my third cancer, in November 2023, to punish me. Rejection was her form of control. That forced me to confront the truth of our relationship, because, as you said, if it’s your “normal” you don’t know it’s abusive. I’ve had the help of psychologists, couldn’t have gotten through without them. I was 55 at the time. Thank you for sharing your story. It helps me to understand my own.
Thank you for writing this - it offered the validation I needed. Your words allowed me to stop ruminating on how I disappointed her this Mother's Day. I read your piece last night and again this morning as a reminder that I'm not alone with these complicated feelings. Your vulnerability paved the way for mine, and I am most grateful.
Thank you for writing this- I’m currently low contact with my parents as I’m still trying to find some sort of balance. And reason. I’m still arguing with myself that my mom’s “not that bad” as everyone else in my family is also looking at me as if I’m the bad one for rocking the boat. Somethings gonna have to give eventually, but for now it’s tough and it will always be it seems, and in a process that really maximizes the feeling of aloneness, I’m glad there are others. Thank you.
A belated Happy Mother's Day to you, Dr. Sage. I hope your family is recovering from the most recent incidents / accidents they've had--and of course, you've had to as you NURTURE them (like a Mom is supposed to do).
As the son of an eggshell mom, I can relate to some of what you experienced. It took me multiple decades and multiple f'ckups to realize there were lifelong impacts. The residual from that foundation wasn't relegated to ancient history--it was absolutely clinging to me in every personal and professional relationship I had.
Your role as a mother is obvious, and you are clearly doing it in a much more heartfelt and mindful way than your Mom did. Expanding the scope a little though, I want to thank you for sharing your experience and expertise on the many platforms you do. You have helped me make sense and move forward to become a healthier person. And from many of the comments I've read, that's the case for a vast number of people. Thank you for giving so much to your community-it is extremely generous of you.
It’s been 4 years for me. It’s been one of the best and worst decisions of my life. Every day I sit with that grief, and even with that, I’m not going back to a mother who only loves me if I parrot what she wants to hear, has zero boundaries with her, and ensure that I never ever put myself first. Sending hugs to all of us today. ❤️
Thank you, your work has been so helpful on my own path. I hate that "this is her first time here" nonsense. Even if it is, guess what, there are lessons to learn and we all have to learn them or face the consequences.
I am no contact after moving internationally to support my mother during my father's passing. It was the worst decision of my life, and I am still struggling to get back on my feet as my mother chose to lie and scapegoat me rather than take accountability for her own actions. Through it all I was finally able to see how she got me to 'act-out' her unwanted emotions. I was finally able to see that my struggling gave her smug satisfaction. That she wanted me to be devastated so she could feel better about herself...it is really so hard to believe that a mother could be like that.
I can see now why I sacrificed everything, too, so much self-sabotage in trying to "win" love from an emotionally immature narcissistic mother.
I am on the path to learning how to deeply love and trust myself, because I see the damage of those who refuse to handle their own pain. It is personal, it is cultural, it is political. Facing our shadows so that we can love and trust ourselves is our most important sacred work.
My mom was bordrrline but mostly very loving.your describing my grandmother though who was a bully.i watched her abuse my mom growing up.we all lived in same house.i have so many issues from this.my mom passed last year from dementia ads my granma.i was there for both of them until they passed....thank you so much
I see myself in your post. I have recently, chosen to go no contact as well. Maintaining a relationship with this type of mother is a burden. The word I came up with for my mom is momster. Yes, it is horrible, but it is the truth. I feel I was robbed of the opportunity to succeed by that woman. I know it is in my hands now. Finding other people who will talk about their momster makes things better. I hope others will see their momster sooner and untangle themselves from the burden. Bless you.
This was exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you so much.
Then you are exactly who I wrote it for. Sending love today:)
I stopped speaking to my mother and father at 50 and I’m 58 this year. I have the same thoughts. It is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done but it was the only way I would ever heal.
Sending love and warm thoughts today - it's not easy and I am proud of you.
Thank you so much. So proud of you too ❤️
You are awesome DK! You remind us that no one, not even a mom has an absolute right to loving. Love can’t be an object or a noun (all alone), rather it takes right, good, just, true and beautiful actions, just like a verb to make love fulfilled. So in detaching (in your case, from a single mom), you open yourself up to the cosmic flow of what love really is. We’re all here enjoying an opportunity to experience that warm, beautiful flow, being freely offered but never imposed. Welcome to the very loving community that you co-created (with that mysterious cosmic power many call God). ❤️ Happy Mother’s Day
Thank you so much -- and sending so many warm thoughts of support and healing to you. Appreciate you being here with us all!
Happy Mothers Day Kim… you are a wonderful, caring mom and your YouTube channel has helped me be a better mom as well… I celebrate with you ❤️🩹🙏💕
Same to you my friend- I appreciate your kind words and send love today:)
Happy Mother's Day Dr. Sage! 💖💐Thank you so much for this! I really needed this today. You have helped me so much on my journey. I'm not no contact, but low contact with my mother. I celebrate mother's day, because my son is such a blessing to me and I have been able to break the cycle of how I grew up. I am there for him and have been a safe, non-judgemental, open, and kind space for him. It hasn't been easy breaking the cycle. However, I want more and better for the both of us! However, it's hard knowing I don't have the same from my own mother. It feels lonely. Thank you! 💕 You allowed me to feel seen, and heard through you post today!
Proud of you for the work for your son and for yourself. He is so lucky and blessed that you have been able to provide such a safe space for him even when you never had it. sending so much love and gratitude for you too:)
Thank you! 💕
Thank you. I’ve woken to find this in my inbox. I’m in Australia, day after Mother’s Day. I had a lovely day with my adult children, and no contact with my mother. She decided to cut me out of her life when I was having weekly chemo for my third cancer, in November 2023, to punish me. Rejection was her form of control. That forced me to confront the truth of our relationship, because, as you said, if it’s your “normal” you don’t know it’s abusive. I’ve had the help of psychologists, couldn’t have gotten through without them. I was 55 at the time. Thank you for sharing your story. It helps me to understand my own.
Thank you for writing this - it offered the validation I needed. Your words allowed me to stop ruminating on how I disappointed her this Mother's Day. I read your piece last night and again this morning as a reminder that I'm not alone with these complicated feelings. Your vulnerability paved the way for mine, and I am most grateful.
Thank you for writing this- I’m currently low contact with my parents as I’m still trying to find some sort of balance. And reason. I’m still arguing with myself that my mom’s “not that bad” as everyone else in my family is also looking at me as if I’m the bad one for rocking the boat. Somethings gonna have to give eventually, but for now it’s tough and it will always be it seems, and in a process that really maximizes the feeling of aloneness, I’m glad there are others. Thank you.
A belated Happy Mother's Day to you, Dr. Sage. I hope your family is recovering from the most recent incidents / accidents they've had--and of course, you've had to as you NURTURE them (like a Mom is supposed to do).
As the son of an eggshell mom, I can relate to some of what you experienced. It took me multiple decades and multiple f'ckups to realize there were lifelong impacts. The residual from that foundation wasn't relegated to ancient history--it was absolutely clinging to me in every personal and professional relationship I had.
Your role as a mother is obvious, and you are clearly doing it in a much more heartfelt and mindful way than your Mom did. Expanding the scope a little though, I want to thank you for sharing your experience and expertise on the many platforms you do. You have helped me make sense and move forward to become a healthier person. And from many of the comments I've read, that's the case for a vast number of people. Thank you for giving so much to your community-it is extremely generous of you.
It’s been 4 years for me. It’s been one of the best and worst decisions of my life. Every day I sit with that grief, and even with that, I’m not going back to a mother who only loves me if I parrot what she wants to hear, has zero boundaries with her, and ensure that I never ever put myself first. Sending hugs to all of us today. ❤️
Thank you, your work has been so helpful on my own path. I hate that "this is her first time here" nonsense. Even if it is, guess what, there are lessons to learn and we all have to learn them or face the consequences.
I am no contact after moving internationally to support my mother during my father's passing. It was the worst decision of my life, and I am still struggling to get back on my feet as my mother chose to lie and scapegoat me rather than take accountability for her own actions. Through it all I was finally able to see how she got me to 'act-out' her unwanted emotions. I was finally able to see that my struggling gave her smug satisfaction. That she wanted me to be devastated so she could feel better about herself...it is really so hard to believe that a mother could be like that.
I can see now why I sacrificed everything, too, so much self-sabotage in trying to "win" love from an emotionally immature narcissistic mother.
I am on the path to learning how to deeply love and trust myself, because I see the damage of those who refuse to handle their own pain. It is personal, it is cultural, it is political. Facing our shadows so that we can love and trust ourselves is our most important sacred work.
My mom was bordrrline but mostly very loving.your describing my grandmother though who was a bully.i watched her abuse my mom growing up.we all lived in same house.i have so many issues from this.my mom passed last year from dementia ads my granma.i was there for both of them until they passed....thank you so much
I see myself in your post. I have recently, chosen to go no contact as well. Maintaining a relationship with this type of mother is a burden. The word I came up with for my mom is momster. Yes, it is horrible, but it is the truth. I feel I was robbed of the opportunity to succeed by that woman. I know it is in my hands now. Finding other people who will talk about their momster makes things better. I hope others will see their momster sooner and untangle themselves from the burden. Bless you.