Trauma Grandma, Autistic Women, Stress Induced Inflammation & Jar Salads, The Art of Isolating in Paris, "Babygirl" Film Psych Review

Welcome to my new weekly newsletter! Topics include: Trauma, Autism, Recipes, Psych Film Reviews & The Art of Isolation

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As a young girl in the 1920’s Midwest, stranded in a small one-room tenement house, my beloved grandmother spent her childhood dreaming of escape as a ballerina, twirling across stages in New York City. Artistic. Elegant. Graceful. Instead, she found herself married to my grandfather, popping out babies, scattering chicken feed, shoveling snow, and chasing mice out of her mudroom, on a 1200 acre farm in the middle of nowhere.

When I was nine years old, she had a massive heart attack while driving to work. Ever the self-sacrificing, reliable, loyal sales person — instead of driving herself to a nearby hospital, she first drove herself to the mall, parked her car, and walked inside the store— to tell her boss she wouldn’t be coming in.

She’d spent most of her life mothering, laboring, depleting and denying herself — seven days a week, on the working Illinois farm she’d shared with my grandfather, and their four children. They’d lived in a big, drafty, three- story farm house, one that required coal shoveling in order to heat it during the cold, snow-driven winters. I would always beg my grandfather to tell me when it was time to head down to the basement to shovel coal. Huge piles of black rocks, just in front of a blazing, crackling fire. Magical. It was the opposite of my apartment complex in suburban Dallas, Texas. The place where all the 70s single moms went to raise their kids — most with full custody.

Given that she and my grandfather had retired and sold their farm just a few years prior, she’d taken a “fun,” sales job at Sears selling clothes. For a woman who had literally washed her entire family’s clothing on a “warsh-board” for much of her life, had made every meal from scratch, often using eggs collected daily from her own hen house, and whose adult life had been defined by constant physical and emotional labor - I can only imagine how exhausted she must have been.

Still, she didn’t seem to know how to not work, and in the service of sacrifice, she offered herself up time and time again. She had neglected seeing a doctor even when she’d had some concerning cardiac symptoms. Instead, in her retirement, she chose to bury herself in Dryer’s cookies and cream ice cream and daytime soap tv — and for a while that worked.

At that point in her life, she was just burned out, with nothing left to give anyone, let alone herself. And when you’ve already spent your adult life sacrificing yourself for everyone else- it makes sense that one day you might just wake up and not even be able to muster the energy to care about yourself.

Not having the energy to care is exactly where I found myself over these past few years — often neglecting my own self care, doctor’s appointments, follow ups, etc. However, I’ve been turning that around since late 2023, and I’ve slowly been taking better care of myself — reparenting and loving myself in ways I never had, and I feel so damn good about it. But, I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that I’ve had quite a lot in common with my grandmother’s self-neglect and over-working.

So, that is changing for me this next year!

Until then, you won’t find me collecting my own eggs from my own chicken coop, but you will find me sharing more personally and professionally with you here - and I hope to hear from you and learn and grow together—if you too are looking to expand your understanding of your own life and childhood, neurodivergence, recipes and tips focused on reducing stress-induced inflammation and disease, cultivating the pristine art of being alone and isolating (in healthy ways!), and yapping about psychology within pop culture tv and movies:)….If this sounds good to you, well, you’ve found your people!

Welcome!!!!

Here I am, happily isolating, making a healthy jar salad, and talking about autism to Wes Anderson’s music:)

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Autoimmune Inflammation:

If you are here with me, it’s very likely you’ve had trauma in your childhood.

Childhood traumatic stress increases the likelihood of hospitalization with a diagnosed autoimmune disease decades into adulthood.

Repeated experiences of chronic toxic stress, particularly from adverse childhood events, have been found to have profound, life-long impacts upon our mental and physical health.

These findings are consistent with recent biological studies on the impact of early life stress on subsequent inflammatory responses - our immune systems can be significantly impacted.

Autoimmune diseases (ADs) are a family of at least 80 diseases that result from an individual’s immune system attacking its body’s own tissues— while the pathogenesis and etiology are not fully understood, environmental factors (lifestyle, diet, drugs, infections) and certain genetic backgrounds have been proposed as risk factors.

While there is no single anti-inflammatory diet plan- reducing inflammation is most often encouraged via consuming a wide variety of fruits and vegetables, unsaturated fats, minimally refined whole grains, tea, coffee, herbs, spices, and oily fish.

I will be sharing so much more about this topic, and the science and recipes which can encourage healthy tissue formation— while working to reduce inflammation, but for now, here’s a new fixation for me. I find that if I have something easy to grab (like a jar salad), I am more likely to make choices that make me feel less tired, and more motivated to take walks along the beach.

My new obsession! Jar Salads

Use a glass jar or container. Mix the dressing first and place it on the bottom of the jar. Next, add any type of bean, chickpeas, etc, followed by a protein like chicken or shrimp, cucumbers, tomatoes, feta or other cheese, and top it off with romaine, butter lettuce, spinach or arugula.

Feel free to make several jars at once. When ready, just flip the jar over in a bowl or plate, mix the salad, maybe add sesame seeds, nuts, avocado and/or croutons. Enjoy!

To make a classic salad dressing recipe, simply whisk together in the bottom of the jar:

1/4 cup lemon juice

1/2 cup “good olive oil"

1 teaspoon kosher salt

1/2 teaspoon black pepper

*You can also combine all the ingredients in a sealable jar and, with the lid sealed tightly, vigorously shake to emulsify. Feel free to also play around by adding a splash of any vinegar, garlic powder, dried oregano, onion powder, honey and/or a quarter or half teaspoon of dijon mustard. It will keep in a sealed container for about a week.

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The Art Of Isolation: Paris Solo Trip

For the last eight years or so, I’ve gone to Paris in the summers, mostly alone. I will be sharing more about the art of isolation in my weekly newsletters, but I thought I’d share a photo of Claude Monet’s House and Monet’s Garden (one of my absolute favorite places to visit just outside of Paris in Giverny!), as well as some of my favorite meals and desserts from my favorite arrondissement in Paris: Le Marais.

“Girl Rotting” Info/Tip:

“Rotting, bed rotting, and girl rotting,” have all been extremely popular topics, especially on TikTok. So many beautiful videos — celebrating nervous system rest, re-sets, peace and quiet, self care, comfort watching our favorite shows and movies, gathering soft blankets, making forts, and making yummy foods — have all been shared. They have been truly inspiring.

That being said, I know many people, especially those who have not seen these videos or those who have had trauma related to losing loved ones who spent too much time in bed, or people who just plain find the term offensive - don’t love these terms (and I do understand!). So- I have chosen to use “The Art of Isolation” for now - because that is what it feels like to me.

However— there is a big difference between a day or so resting or isolating and a lifetime of isolating or living a life defined by isolating. Like most things, a little is ok - too much can be harmful.

**We will be talking a lot more about this topic, but please keep in mind that if your need to isolate is preventing you from being mentally, physically, emotionally and/or socially well - please don’t hesitate to reach out for help.

Monet’s House and Garden in Giverny

Maison Greosire’s Lemon Tarts

I have a particular obsession with lemon meringue tarts and imo, this place has the best ones - believe me I have tried other places! When I went in October last year, I walked for miles to go there in the morning, bought 3 tarts and ate them over the course of my trip. If you don’t get there early, sometimes they sell out for the day - so FYI:). It’s located just a few blocks from Jardin des Plantes.

Monet’s Garden in Giverny - my absolute most favorite day trip outside of Paris. I almost always go, every time I go to Paris. It takes a train trip, but easy to do even alone.

A incredible meal from Au Bourguignon Du Marais. Their specialty- you guessed it! Bœuf Bourguignon with some crusty french bread! It was absolutely incredible and the last meal I had before I flew home. Given my massive sweet tooth, I had to have dessert too:). I highly recommend this restaurant and the best part? It was full of Paris locals…so if you know, you know.

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Autistic women reflect on school experiences:

“I was always on the outside, watching quietly.”

“I remember hating the experience of sitting in the rows of desks under the fluorescent lights looking at big glossy-paged textbooks. I liked the band room though. I don’t remember any other positive sensory experiences. The gym was too loud. I preferred study hall. I wasn’t comfortable in most spaces in high school. I would spend time reading, hiding out, or skipping class or school altogether. I started blowing off my schoolwork and skipping class. My parents got a letter from the school threatening legal action if my attendance didn’t improve. I just didn’t want to be there. It was terrible. I didn’t fit in, and it was loud and overwhelming. I don’t have much positive I can say about school, I guess. I think it was a big and overwhelming place and I just remember feeling scared a lot of the time.”

“I was always on the outside, watching quietly”: Autistic women reflect on school experiences

Here’s the link for this study:

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41599-024-03632-y#:~:text=Burrows%20et%20al.,significantly%20lower%20rates%20of%20diagnosis.

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Nervous System Re-sets: The Physiological Sigh

The physiological sigh is a breathing technique: Take 2 inhales through the nose and a long, dramatic sigh/exhale through the mouth. Try practicing 1 to 3 times when you feel anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, etc.

Here are some benefits:

You can try practicing the physiological sigh one to three times. A clinical trial found that practicing cyclic physiological sighs daily for five minutes can:

Reduce overall stress

Promote relaxation

Improve sleep

Lower resting heart rate

Enhance mood

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Babygirl: Using Films/Shows in Therapy

I don’t have a lot of commentary here on Babygirl for this first newsletter, as I’ve already shared most of it in this video. This film has been polarizing for some, provocative for others. As I mentioned, I have always loved film and books, storytelling, essentially. What I will say is that I believe there are many relevant themes around sexuality, intimacy, trauma, power, longing and relationships — all of which might be worthy of examination in your own life - unrelated to even whether or not you’re a fan of the film and its story.

A few years after I became a single mom, I needed to return to work. But I was so devastated by my divorce, that I just didn’t know if I could return to the field of psychology again.

The summer before I went back to get my doctorate, I took a risk and attended an 8 week short film course at USC, where we wrote, directed, filmed and edited little movies using 16mm film. It was one of the greatest experiences of my life, and it ignited a passion in me to get back into working as a therapist.

I loved filmmaking and writing stories, but I knew I was just past my prime, and my chances to succeed as a filmmaker which would allow me to provide financially for my children were unrealistic for me. But— it did inspire me, and I ended up using my own film in my doctoral dissertation research project. It was a story about trauma and a woman losing her husband (shocker, I know….I was clearly working through some things:).

In any regard, I will talk more about using films in therapy, and even provide some journal prompts for you when I share films here, as I do believe that creative content can often help us access subconscious parts of our lives and stories —and the information and insight can truly provide a new opportunity for healing.

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Babygirl Psych Film Review