I wasn’t able to relate to the emptiness side of BPD, until I watched your 13 signs video. I was telling myself that I know myself. Your video was done in a way in that I didn’t feel shame about it (I was recently diagnosed and have not accepted it yet. Even sharing here that I have BPD stirs resentment. My stomach turns, fear of rejection and judgement)
Checked out the sub stack, and here you articulated my anxiety and illogical fear of leaving the house better than I have been able to. It makes me miserable and I do all these examples of not knowing myself.
I experience guilt when I cancel last minute on people I care for or mis opportunities when I don’t attend work events. I look unreliable at best and inconsiderate or callous at worst. It’s hard to build relationships it can get lonely,
I feel a deep sense of relief when I don’t have to leave the house. I prefer my solitude.
On the other hand when I do force myself to leave and attend 7-10 times I have a great time. And 9.9999 - 10 times are safe.
I have rewrote this many times to try and share a post that will be acknowledged and respected.
Thank you so much for sharing this here. It means so much to me that you didn't feel shame -and I know talking about BPD is truly a painful and often stigmatizing experience for so many. One big reason why I had spent so many years learning about psychology but didn't understand my mom --was because of the extreme stereotypes and stigma - I hope you know that today, we have so many effective treatments for BPD and you are definitely not alone.
While I cannot make any clinical recommendations/provide advice - I just feel compelled to share some of the newest research (which you probably already know!) that several papers on how Autism have found that ASD can present in high masking women like BPD.
And- many have said that any woman who has been diagnosed with BPD and who has any autism type traits should consider an autism screening- because so many women who have Autism have been misdiagnosed with BPD (one of the traits which *could* be related to solitude can be quite common among autistic humans). In fact, alongside my sensory issues, routine and social challenges - the strong isolating was another place that helped me understand myself. Please know you are ABSOLUTELY worthy of exploring yourself and your life. Sending love today.
Thank you for being so attentive to the folks here. I just want to double check, it is a place I should be at? I believe my mother did have BPD and was highly paranoid and accusatory, and she refused to seek or remain in treatment. But
I have been diagnosed with PTSD previously.
As I continued treatment, I became more angry and now as I mentioned, I express the traits of BPD.
I feel like your community is more made up of grown children of cluster B personalities that did NOT develop these traits themselves.. please be honest with me so I can go without feeling rejected or upsetting anyone.
I also value and will explore the possible autistic component. My sister and I do recognize these patterns in ourselves. Thank you. I hope this is received in the way I intended and not too needy.
I understand your concern and yes, I would say that I believe it's a mixed community --but by and large most often the children of complicated parents and also a large neurodivergent community too. I think it depends on how you feel and how you express yourself - so many of us struggle with trauma related wounds that as long as we are doing the work and being supportive - that is what matters. That being said, please do what feels safest for you and know you are worthy of love and healing.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me! I appreciate it so much - it's hard to know sometimes if things resonate and as this is a newer platform for me- I am trying to bring my most authentic self but also make sure I am providing helpful content. Sending love today!
Loved all of this. I especially found it so validating that although there is trauma associated with being Autistic, it is not the cause of it all. I also relate to every single one of those signs and felt very seen reading those. :) Thank you!
Thanks, Dr Kim, an interesting piece -- it was strange not to hear your voice, though! I'm male, but I can relate to a lot of what you described; I have wondered whether I'm autistic. I often feel that the solution to a lot of our woes is plenty of cuddles.
One of the most difficult aspects of being on the autism spectrum is managing the firehose of information we receive from our environments, both internal and external. But when it’s done well (ie, organized/synthesized), it’s the source of our strength as artists and thinkers.
While I’m not quite ready to turn away from YouTube altogether, where I found you last year, I’m looking forward to following you here on Substack. I, too, have only recently joined this forum after many years in the various other spaces (mostly Medium and Instagram), and I’m excited about the possibilities of this one.
Thank you so much --and yes you're so right about the info flood and how that shows up in our nervous systems and minds...I have to know and yet, knowing is maybe not so good for me. I know I am not alone in this challenge. I am happy you're here and appreciate you and value your time.
I wasn’t able to relate to the emptiness side of BPD, until I watched your 13 signs video. I was telling myself that I know myself. Your video was done in a way in that I didn’t feel shame about it (I was recently diagnosed and have not accepted it yet. Even sharing here that I have BPD stirs resentment. My stomach turns, fear of rejection and judgement)
Checked out the sub stack, and here you articulated my anxiety and illogical fear of leaving the house better than I have been able to. It makes me miserable and I do all these examples of not knowing myself.
I experience guilt when I cancel last minute on people I care for or mis opportunities when I don’t attend work events. I look unreliable at best and inconsiderate or callous at worst. It’s hard to build relationships it can get lonely,
I feel a deep sense of relief when I don’t have to leave the house. I prefer my solitude.
On the other hand when I do force myself to leave and attend 7-10 times I have a great time. And 9.9999 - 10 times are safe.
I have rewrote this many times to try and share a post that will be acknowledged and respected.
It very hard to feel worthy of exploring myself.
Thank you so much for sharing this here. It means so much to me that you didn't feel shame -and I know talking about BPD is truly a painful and often stigmatizing experience for so many. One big reason why I had spent so many years learning about psychology but didn't understand my mom --was because of the extreme stereotypes and stigma - I hope you know that today, we have so many effective treatments for BPD and you are definitely not alone.
While I cannot make any clinical recommendations/provide advice - I just feel compelled to share some of the newest research (which you probably already know!) that several papers on how Autism have found that ASD can present in high masking women like BPD.
And- many have said that any woman who has been diagnosed with BPD and who has any autism type traits should consider an autism screening- because so many women who have Autism have been misdiagnosed with BPD (one of the traits which *could* be related to solitude can be quite common among autistic humans). In fact, alongside my sensory issues, routine and social challenges - the strong isolating was another place that helped me understand myself. Please know you are ABSOLUTELY worthy of exploring yourself and your life. Sending love today.
Thank you for being so attentive to the folks here. I just want to double check, it is a place I should be at? I believe my mother did have BPD and was highly paranoid and accusatory, and she refused to seek or remain in treatment. But
I have been diagnosed with PTSD previously.
As I continued treatment, I became more angry and now as I mentioned, I express the traits of BPD.
I feel like your community is more made up of grown children of cluster B personalities that did NOT develop these traits themselves.. please be honest with me so I can go without feeling rejected or upsetting anyone.
I also value and will explore the possible autistic component. My sister and I do recognize these patterns in ourselves. Thank you. I hope this is received in the way I intended and not too needy.
I understand your concern and yes, I would say that I believe it's a mixed community --but by and large most often the children of complicated parents and also a large neurodivergent community too. I think it depends on how you feel and how you express yourself - so many of us struggle with trauma related wounds that as long as we are doing the work and being supportive - that is what matters. That being said, please do what feels safest for you and know you are worthy of love and healing.
Thank you
This is a powerful post.... Validating, thought-provoking and emotive.
Thank you for the thoughtful content. 💜
Thank you so much for sharing this with me! I appreciate it so much - it's hard to know sometimes if things resonate and as this is a newer platform for me- I am trying to bring my most authentic self but also make sure I am providing helpful content. Sending love today!
I've enjoyed your YouTube videos for some time and learned so much. I love that I can find you on substack too.
Thank you so much for being here with me too! I truly appreciate you and your time and don't take it for granted! Sending love!
Loved all of this. I especially found it so validating that although there is trauma associated with being Autistic, it is not the cause of it all. I also relate to every single one of those signs and felt very seen reading those. :) Thank you!
Thank you sm for sharing and for being here too!:)
I love that you are here on Substack! I’m learning it as well. 💚
Thank you for joining me too!:)
Thanks, Dr Kim, an interesting piece -- it was strange not to hear your voice, though! I'm male, but I can relate to a lot of what you described; I have wondered whether I'm autistic. I often feel that the solution to a lot of our woes is plenty of cuddles.
Much love, everyone.
Happy you're here with me as well!
One of the most difficult aspects of being on the autism spectrum is managing the firehose of information we receive from our environments, both internal and external. But when it’s done well (ie, organized/synthesized), it’s the source of our strength as artists and thinkers.
While I’m not quite ready to turn away from YouTube altogether, where I found you last year, I’m looking forward to following you here on Substack. I, too, have only recently joined this forum after many years in the various other spaces (mostly Medium and Instagram), and I’m excited about the possibilities of this one.
Thank you so much --and yes you're so right about the info flood and how that shows up in our nervous systems and minds...I have to know and yet, knowing is maybe not so good for me. I know I am not alone in this challenge. I am happy you're here and appreciate you and value your time.