Thank you so much for this. I found you a few years ago, and I think we've been going through the discovery journey of autism simultaneously. I would do my own research, and then see you posting about the same thing. It's been helpful to see someone else in the same place. I also have tons of trauma from an eggshell mom, and it took moving to Berlin from Texas at 44 years old to get the distance I needed to really find out who I was. Yeah, so late diagnosed ADHD and autism, trauma and perimenopause/menopause, now at 47, everything makes so much more sense. I'm happier, away from America's unrealistic expectations of neurodivergent productivity, and deep-seated criticism of my mother. Now, everything is on my terms. And I would like to thank you and your content for being a source of support throughout this.
Thank you so much for sharing this - I am sorry it's taken me a few days to respond! Like so many I am trying to find the balance with our brains and being online and it's not easy. I love that you've been on the journey alongside me and i am excited to continue:). I would LOVE to move to France not too far from you - but alas I have too many children I can't take with me now! xo
Thankyou Dr Kim, reading this has literally ticked every one of my boxes. That line from the movie really hit a nerve and basically resonated with my entire life 😢. It was when I was being assessed for ADHD that the psychiatrist mentioned had I thought about the possibility of being Autistic as I was showing strong traits. With the fact that I have 3 grandchildren on the spectrum and an AuDhd daughter I had some ideas but with going into so much research over the last 2 years many of my traits pointed to ADHD. I have been treated for anxiety and clinical depression for most of my life, including as a child, I’m now 69 and last year diagnosed AuDhd. Thanks to finding yours and other similar YouTube channels and content I’m finally able to understand and accept who I really am! 🙏🏻
Yes, “life” is just too much most of the time isn’t it? I’m 59 now and, with your help, I’m discovering what I need to heal and find some peace. Most of the things you’ve talked about in regard to neurodivergence really rings with me. Thank you for that! I have deeply struggled even to identify what’s going on inside me and your videos and writings have helped tremendously. Much love to you. 💕🌿🌷
Wow, this hit me so deeply. I just rewatched Eat. Pray. Love. recently, and that exact scene had me in tears too. That line—“What did it look like… when I was happy?”—it’s devastating because it’s a question I’ve asked myself so many times.
Your words resonate so much. The way you describe the constant push-and-pull between deep empathy, trauma, and a neurodivergent mind—it’s like reading my own inner dialogue. The exhaustion of feeling everything, of analyzing every single thought and emotion, of carrying the weight of others’ emotions as if it’s my job. It’s so real.
And the lists—yes. Everywhere, yes. I see myself in so many of those traits, especially in the need for refuge alone, the hyper-awareness of time, and the simultaneous longing to be seen while fearing judgment. It’s such a complex existence, isn’t it?
I love how you say you’re learning to keep your expectations simple. I feel like I’m right there too—learning that peace is sometimes the closest thing to happiness, and that’s okay. Some days I get it right, some days I don’t, but I’m starting to believe that the pursuit of joy doesn’t have to feel like another weight to carry.
Sending so much love. Thank you for writing this. ❤️
Thank you so much! I really love it here - I am struggling like so many on other apps and as a creator it's a challenge some days! Tysm for being here too! xo
This is really interesting, Dr. Kim. Although I am a male, I can relate to several of the autism traits you shared. What's really interesting for me though were your thoughts on happiness and the fact that seems entirely unachievable. It tracks almost verbatim with what one of my woman friends has said to me. From what I know of her, I think she probably would resonate with more than half of the traits you listed also. I will share your post with her and see if it opens any doors for her.
Kudos to you for challenging yourself in the ways that you have to do all you've done in spite of the sometimes debilitating (?) impacts of the combination of your super traumas and autism. And thank you once again for sharing so much of your knowledge--it has been very enlightening and insightful to me.
Thank you so much for sharing here and yes, so many of these traits seem to be very common among men and so many others. It is debilitating some days but also I am so deeply grateful to be at an age where I can share not feel so worried about it - like I would have not that long ago. I appreciate you being here and sharing this substack too!
Thank you for putting this out there. I've had conversations similar to this in therapy but you're helping me understand the why now.
I hope your Bear is even a tenth as amazing as my Bear was, my adventurous, camping-obsessed, love-focused orange cat-child and my greatest source of happiness.
Thank you so much for sharing this and it sounds like your little bear was quite amazing as well! camping? I love it! Sending love and gratitude today and i am sorry it took me a few days to respond! Trying to navigate sm right now is not easy when you need to know but also need to protect your mental health! xo
Hi Dr. Sage, there is so much more that could be said here, but in short, finding your content around this specific topic of trauma/autism has been a lifeline for me over the last few months. Because my mind is overwhelmed by all the reasons you self-reported, I am responding briefly to thank you and encourage you to keep sharing. I was diagnosed late with AuDHD at 51 (now 55). This was the missing piece needed to begin yet another perspective of myself concerning a lifetime of painful relationships and trauma. Your content is hitting deeper in what I resonate. Which parts are hardwiring (neurodivergent), and which are softwiring (conditioning)? For example, I have spent the majority of my life trying to change parts of myself to be more "palatable" when rejected by other women without any understanding of the issue. It helps to know now, but it doesn't mean instant healing. I am horrible at writing succinct messages about concepts that are so deep and wide, but I have a feeling you understand this concept. It is why I am sharing with heartfelt intent and less self-judgement about grammar and not well-thought-out sentences. Thank you so much!
Thank you. While I've realized I have these issues, hate lately I've really, really been struggling 😪 I have a mental health team, but I feel like some of it has been a waste of time for years. I'm getting worse and not receiving the treatment I need. Idk exactly what I need and not knowing makes it hard to tell my team. I just know I'm not the same and I feel like I'm at the bottom.
I am grateful for you providing this list. I feel 95%of it applies to me. I work as a 2nd grade teacher so many of these things I cannot even find refuge from until my workday is over. Especially the noise, being hyper time focused, criticism (from other and self) for my quality of work, and as you provided, the list goes on. I’m 55, have raised two children to college age with one still living at home. My older sister ended her relationship with me about 5 years ago when my mother passed. I think she fills the category of “friends abruptly ending relationships with no explanation.” I never got to explain to her that I’m autistic, but she probably wouldn’t care to know at this point. Happy? I wouldn’t use that as a first word to characterize myself each day. I’m usually annoyed by one thing or another on the home front or at work. Many times annoyed with myself bc living with AUDHD is really hard on the spirit. I was suffering from AUDHD burnout and had finally found myself coming out of it again…getting back to nature, journaling, art, and then my father suddenly passed away two months ago. I’m back in again. I have an amazing therapist luckily! All this to say thank you for helping us to recognize ourselves and to understand that our pain is okay and not misplaced. 🩷✨🙏
How have you guys been? We were thinking of you guys just the other day , we moved to Florence! Congratulations on the grand baby ! Time flies , we now have two great grandchildren! I knew I would get old , I just didn’t think it would be this quick !!!!! Lol
Thank you so much for this. I found you a few years ago, and I think we've been going through the discovery journey of autism simultaneously. I would do my own research, and then see you posting about the same thing. It's been helpful to see someone else in the same place. I also have tons of trauma from an eggshell mom, and it took moving to Berlin from Texas at 44 years old to get the distance I needed to really find out who I was. Yeah, so late diagnosed ADHD and autism, trauma and perimenopause/menopause, now at 47, everything makes so much more sense. I'm happier, away from America's unrealistic expectations of neurodivergent productivity, and deep-seated criticism of my mother. Now, everything is on my terms. And I would like to thank you and your content for being a source of support throughout this.
Thank you so much for sharing this - I am sorry it's taken me a few days to respond! Like so many I am trying to find the balance with our brains and being online and it's not easy. I love that you've been on the journey alongside me and i am excited to continue:). I would LOVE to move to France not too far from you - but alas I have too many children I can't take with me now! xo
Thankyou Dr Kim, reading this has literally ticked every one of my boxes. That line from the movie really hit a nerve and basically resonated with my entire life 😢. It was when I was being assessed for ADHD that the psychiatrist mentioned had I thought about the possibility of being Autistic as I was showing strong traits. With the fact that I have 3 grandchildren on the spectrum and an AuDhd daughter I had some ideas but with going into so much research over the last 2 years many of my traits pointed to ADHD. I have been treated for anxiety and clinical depression for most of my life, including as a child, I’m now 69 and last year diagnosed AuDhd. Thanks to finding yours and other similar YouTube channels and content I’m finally able to understand and accept who I really am! 🙏🏻
Thank you so much for sharing and I am sending you love and support!
There is always hope. Information is power when it comes to these kinds of things. I was diagnosed in the last year and it's blown my mind!
Yes, “life” is just too much most of the time isn’t it? I’m 59 now and, with your help, I’m discovering what I need to heal and find some peace. Most of the things you’ve talked about in regard to neurodivergence really rings with me. Thank you for that! I have deeply struggled even to identify what’s going on inside me and your videos and writings have helped tremendously. Much love to you. 💕🌿🌷
Much love and gratitude to you too! I am so sorry it's taken me a few days to respond as I truly appreciate you being here and sharing as well. xo
Wow, this hit me so deeply. I just rewatched Eat. Pray. Love. recently, and that exact scene had me in tears too. That line—“What did it look like… when I was happy?”—it’s devastating because it’s a question I’ve asked myself so many times.
Your words resonate so much. The way you describe the constant push-and-pull between deep empathy, trauma, and a neurodivergent mind—it’s like reading my own inner dialogue. The exhaustion of feeling everything, of analyzing every single thought and emotion, of carrying the weight of others’ emotions as if it’s my job. It’s so real.
And the lists—yes. Everywhere, yes. I see myself in so many of those traits, especially in the need for refuge alone, the hyper-awareness of time, and the simultaneous longing to be seen while fearing judgment. It’s such a complex existence, isn’t it?
I love how you say you’re learning to keep your expectations simple. I feel like I’m right there too—learning that peace is sometimes the closest thing to happiness, and that’s okay. Some days I get it right, some days I don’t, but I’m starting to believe that the pursuit of joy doesn’t have to feel like another weight to carry.
Sending so much love. Thank you for writing this. ❤️
Much love back to you and sincere gratitude for being here and sharing such kindness with me. It means so much and I am sending hugs and healing!
Thank you, Kim. Your words mean so much.
Sending love, warmth, and deep gratitude your way.
🤍 Michelle
Yes yes yes and yes. BTW I love your work and your YouTube videos! Was so great to see you on Substack
Thank you so much! I really love it here - I am struggling like so many on other apps and as a creator it's a challenge some days! Tysm for being here too! xo
This is really interesting, Dr. Kim. Although I am a male, I can relate to several of the autism traits you shared. What's really interesting for me though were your thoughts on happiness and the fact that seems entirely unachievable. It tracks almost verbatim with what one of my woman friends has said to me. From what I know of her, I think she probably would resonate with more than half of the traits you listed also. I will share your post with her and see if it opens any doors for her.
Kudos to you for challenging yourself in the ways that you have to do all you've done in spite of the sometimes debilitating (?) impacts of the combination of your super traumas and autism. And thank you once again for sharing so much of your knowledge--it has been very enlightening and insightful to me.
Thank you so much for sharing here and yes, so many of these traits seem to be very common among men and so many others. It is debilitating some days but also I am so deeply grateful to be at an age where I can share not feel so worried about it - like I would have not that long ago. I appreciate you being here and sharing this substack too!
Thank you for putting this out there. I've had conversations similar to this in therapy but you're helping me understand the why now.
I hope your Bear is even a tenth as amazing as my Bear was, my adventurous, camping-obsessed, love-focused orange cat-child and my greatest source of happiness.
Thank you so much for sharing this and it sounds like your little bear was quite amazing as well! camping? I love it! Sending love and gratitude today and i am sorry it took me a few days to respond! Trying to navigate sm right now is not easy when you need to know but also need to protect your mental health! xo
I can relate with this
Hi Dr. Sage, there is so much more that could be said here, but in short, finding your content around this specific topic of trauma/autism has been a lifeline for me over the last few months. Because my mind is overwhelmed by all the reasons you self-reported, I am responding briefly to thank you and encourage you to keep sharing. I was diagnosed late with AuDHD at 51 (now 55). This was the missing piece needed to begin yet another perspective of myself concerning a lifetime of painful relationships and trauma. Your content is hitting deeper in what I resonate. Which parts are hardwiring (neurodivergent), and which are softwiring (conditioning)? For example, I have spent the majority of my life trying to change parts of myself to be more "palatable" when rejected by other women without any understanding of the issue. It helps to know now, but it doesn't mean instant healing. I am horrible at writing succinct messages about concepts that are so deep and wide, but I have a feeling you understand this concept. It is why I am sharing with heartfelt intent and less self-judgement about grammar and not well-thought-out sentences. Thank you so much!
Thank you. While I've realized I have these issues, hate lately I've really, really been struggling 😪 I have a mental health team, but I feel like some of it has been a waste of time for years. I'm getting worse and not receiving the treatment I need. Idk exactly what I need and not knowing makes it hard to tell my team. I just know I'm not the same and I feel like I'm at the bottom.
I am grateful for you providing this list. I feel 95%of it applies to me. I work as a 2nd grade teacher so many of these things I cannot even find refuge from until my workday is over. Especially the noise, being hyper time focused, criticism (from other and self) for my quality of work, and as you provided, the list goes on. I’m 55, have raised two children to college age with one still living at home. My older sister ended her relationship with me about 5 years ago when my mother passed. I think she fills the category of “friends abruptly ending relationships with no explanation.” I never got to explain to her that I’m autistic, but she probably wouldn’t care to know at this point. Happy? I wouldn’t use that as a first word to characterize myself each day. I’m usually annoyed by one thing or another on the home front or at work. Many times annoyed with myself bc living with AUDHD is really hard on the spirit. I was suffering from AUDHD burnout and had finally found myself coming out of it again…getting back to nature, journaling, art, and then my father suddenly passed away two months ago. I’m back in again. I have an amazing therapist luckily! All this to say thank you for helping us to recognize ourselves and to understand that our pain is okay and not misplaced. 🩷✨🙏
How have you guys been? We were thinking of you guys just the other day , we moved to Florence! Congratulations on the grand baby ! Time flies , we now have two great grandchildren! I knew I would get old , I just didn’t think it would be this quick !!!!! Lol